As Days Go By

There are plenty of things that have gone on in our lives, but I won't go into too much detail about that. Long story short, my ex-husband and I met while serving in the military, fell in love, fell out of love and now we barely ever talk. They say parents of autistic children have an 80% divorce rate, but truth be told, we were in trouble before that. The autism just sped up the process to us getting a divorce. My ex husband struggles with depression and I just don't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to handle juggling two special needs children and a special needs husband. I tried, but didn't know how to do. At the end of most days, I don't even have enough left for myself. I work so much and really have about 4 jobs if you think about it. I have my day job, my part time job at the group home, my job as a mom, and Olivia. She is definitely a full time job. My ex is barely paying his child support (just a portion) and I am left here to make it work. Luckily, I have the most amazing and supportive family that we make it through things with love and determination. I also love my jobs and work with amazing people and kids. Enough about me, I will tell you about Olivia and the reason why I am here writing this.

Olivia was diagnosed with autism when she was only 16 months old. Her brother CJ, had developmental delays as well, but it was nothing like Olivia. From early on, I knew something was wrong with her. Why didn't she listen to me or even turn to me when I called her name? Why did I walk through my house constantly searching for toothbrushes only to find them lined up or in a cross design around the house? Why would my shoes disappear only to be found in the same design. One answer-Olivia. The biggest most heartbreaking experience that I continue to deal with is why is my daughter almost 7 years old and I am lucky if I get to be called mommy once a week? I didn't even hear her call me mommy until she was almost 5 years old. That is the one thing I treasure each and EVERY time I hear it. I would love to write more tonight. The kids have settled down and sleeping, but I do have to get up for work in a little over four hours. Life as a single parent calls. Olivia's teachers said she had a great day today at school. She even had a great night at home. Shes spent most of her night on the computer. She is a fanatic about Nick Jr. As I watch her sleeping even now, I think about what an angel she is. She's sleeping with her four sesame street friends lined up next to her! Each day is a blessing and a rewarding experience. Until tomorrow, good night.