Could I Have Another One

I always get some good news with some bad news-they always go hand in hand. After a very uplifting IEP review for Olivia, it seems my son is struggling more and more these days. I am getting an email or phone call from his school on a daily basis and I am trying to figure out what is going on? He's always been an extremely sensitive child and had developmental delays as well. He seemed to come out of it, but the behavior has always been a concern. He's the sweetest most sensitive child you'd ever want to meet and he is very smart as well. CJ can probably recite the whole bible to you and enjoys nothing more than reading. The only problem is he breaks down about EVERYTHING. If most kids lost a crayon you could simply give them another one. CJ would think the world had ended. I was hoping initially that maybe it was just because we moved and he was still needing time to adjust, but more recently it seems like there is something severely wrong again. It was strongly suggested that I have him evaluated for being on the spectrum as well. I've always noticed that CJ was a little different, but when you have a child as significant of a degree of autism that Olivia has, CJ seems like a genius. I've been feeling very guilty lately and thinking is the problem that I've been so wrapped up in making sure I am doing everything that I can for Olivia that I've let CJ slip to more into the cracks, but the truth of the matter is, I've definitely been feeling more like I've sacrificed what's best for one child for the other. I always figured that CJ would be alright wherever we moved, but maybe it's finally got to him. I have set up appointments for him to go get evaluated again and to talk to a counselor. I am also making it more of a point to make sure he gets the one on one time he needs and deserves. One of these days I will have time for myself. It is truly rewarding being a parent. It is also the hardest job there is. I didn't realize when I had my first kid at 22 years old that I was no longer important. That day my kids became everything.

There's Still Hope-Olivia's IEP Review

Olivia had her IEP review today. She is doing very well. At the beginning of the school year Olivia was aggressing on staff an average of 26 times a day. Just one month later the median is down to 8 times a day! She has some days where she doesn't do it at all. This is very promising. Olivia is also using her words more and more everyday and has actually been sleeping on a pretty regular schedule. We are so excited. That was literally the best news I've had all week. On the other hand, my son CJ has been having a very difficult time transitioning into a new school this year. He wants to be in the same school with his sister so bad. They go to seperate schools right now because the elementary school Olivia attends has an autism specific program. CJ would be able to attend that school as well, but they are over their quota for second grade. CJ is on a waiting list and hopefully he will be able to go there pretty soon, but we'll have to wait and see. He has been having such a hard time making friends and wonders why he and his sister can't go to the same school. I thought he'd prefer to stay in the school that he started this year because then he wouldn't have to adjust to being in a new setting, but CJ continues to insist that he be there to watch over his sister. I'm still hopeful that everything will work out for the best. In a situation like this, you can't help but feel like you sacrificed one child for the other. I made the move and did what I thought was best for Olivia, but at the same time, I took CJ out of a school he was doing really well in for Olivia. It is so hard to make these types of choices as a parent, but as I said, everything revolves around Olivia. I have to admit, I'm sleepy tonight so until the next time.

Til next time,

Kelly

Another Day

Olivia and CJ went to bed nice and early last night so I finally got some sleep. I'm becoming an expert at multi-tasking so I had one child in each bathtub. I love having two bathrooms. It makes things go so much faster. Yesterday was a good day for us. I worked an hour of overtime at work and had to rush home to pick everybody up and get my son to football practice. It is at a park with plenty of room to run so it is one of the few family outings that we can take Olivia on and actually be able to get some enjoyment out of it without being too stressed out. My mom came out so she watched CJ practice while I watched Olivia. My ex-husband said he would come, but he was late as usual. I don't even know why I hold my breath anymore. He still doesn't understand why my mom hates him so much. He doesn't realize that the slack that he drops off, my mom picks up. There's no way I could do this by myself. You see, he quit his contracting job where he was making really good money, really good money, but he was gone all of the time. The advantage of that was I always god my child support on time. Since he quit that job and went back to school full-time, he now works part-time and I am lucky if I get anything. FOr example, this month I got $160.17 for two kids. I know he thinks he is doing his best, but it's not good enough. That barely pays for one week of daycare. I guess my sympathy level is low because when I went to school after the divorce, I worked full-time overnights, went to class during the day and worked overtime on the weekends. I had no life outside of work, school and the kids with the kids ALWAYS being the number one priority. I know there are good men out there, but I still think the saying that men do what they want to do and women do what they have to do still holds true--for the most part. I know he has good intentions, I have to believe that, but his priorities are misplaced. Enough about him and I will try to mention him less in the future. At football practice, several of the siblings of the players were playing on the playground. There was a group of young girls about Olivia's age playing together. One of them came up and asked me could she play with my kid. The funny thing is when you have a special needs child, that is the norm for you. Even though you see other kids all of the time-or at least I do in my line of work, you never really notice how different your child is until you see them around regularly functioning kids. The little girl said hi to Olivia as Olivia looked right past her, quietly sang to herself and proceeded off in her own little world. I explained to the little girl that Olivia likes to play by herself, but thanks for asking. The little girl proceeded to follow Olivia, until Olivia began to get agitated by the unwanted attention and bit her arm. The little girl walked off. It are these times that my heart breaks. I wonder who will be there for her after I'm gone. I know CJ loves his sister to death and is so worried about protecting her, but at the same time I've never seen a 7 year old worry as much as my son does. I want him to concentrate on being a kid. Moments like ones at the playground bring me back to reality and I realize that unless there is some sort of breakthrough, I will never get to plan a wedding with my daughter, never be able to teach her how to be a good mom and never be able to truly know what's going on in that little mind of hers. I sometimes wonder if she ever will know how much I love her. If I could chose one thing for her to know, it would be that-how much I love her. Every aspect of my day is based around that child. I would do anything for either one of my kids. She did decide to sit in the lawn chair eventually and watch her brother play football. She did get a little silly, but I was very surprised that she did it. CJ was happy too to see all of us watching him practice. Cornelius (my ex-husband) did make it out to see the last 15-20 minutes of practice. Olivia was glad to see him too and went into super silly mode. When we got home from football practice, Olivia went straight to her usual spot-the computer. She went straight to NickJr.com and was very upset when it was bath time. She did love the bubbles I put in her bath and stayed in there for almost an hour. I struggled with her to comb her hair when she got out, but she knows who's boss! After that, she watched CJ watch some videos on the computer and they both laughed and laughed. It is so special to watch them interacting together. I used to work at a state hospital that served people with just autism.  I know Olivia is capable of loving, learning, and forming deep attachments. It makes me keep hope alive that she will accomplish far and above expectations of her. Olivia didn't last much longer. She is on medication to help her sleep so she climbed in my bed, pulled the covers back, lined up her sesame street babies and went to sleep. This is such a blessing and I thank Dr. Hopkins from the bottom of my heart. This is still new to us because there was a time when Olivia didn't sleep at all. No seriously, I mean at all. You had to stay up with her too because she would leave the house. Olivia still has no sense of safety and has left the house in the middle of the night. I installed alarms, but when you're a single parent and not sleeping very much, it takes awhile for the alarms to wake you up. There was one particular night where I was dreaming the alarm was going off and when I woke up, it actually was. It couldn't have been going off for too long, but it was long enough for me not to know which way she went. I had to call the police and luckily, I got her back unharmed. She was missing for about 30 minutes. There was another time a few years back that she left our hotel room when we were out of town in the middle of the night. They didn't know what room she belonged to (I always make the front desk aware now that she is mine!!!) so Olivia was placed in emergency foster care. After being interviewed by the police in the middle of the night, I was allowed to go pick her up. She was medicated that time, but obviously wasn't working. After the police saw I was a good mom and realized this wasn't a case of neglect, they let me pick her up. I still sleep with one eye open til this day. Those of you that I gone on the link on my page already know that I am having a service dog trained for her and he should be ready very soon. It has been a long process, but Olivia is already very familiar with her dog. We used a rescue dog that we chose out and have visited several times. Olivia has already been exposed to her dog on several occasion (the advantage of using a local trainer) and I can't wait til we get him. This dog has no idea how special he is and how much he is already loved. To think, he was at the shelter for over a year. The trainer said that we were very lucky to find him and that will probably never happen again. I just had that feeling about him. Anyway, that is about all for today. It is my brother's 34th birthday today and we are having a party for him. Besides that, Olivia just got home from school and will want her spot on the computer back. The teacher said she had a great day at school and is getting more and more comfortable with the routine. Until tomorrow.

As Days Go By

There are plenty of things that have gone on in our lives, but I won't go into too much detail about that. Long story short, my ex-husband and I met while serving in the military, fell in love, fell out of love and now we barely ever talk. They say parents of autistic children have an 80% divorce rate, but truth be told, we were in trouble before that. The autism just sped up the process to us getting a divorce. My ex husband struggles with depression and I just don't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to handle juggling two special needs children and a special needs husband. I tried, but didn't know how to do. At the end of most days, I don't even have enough left for myself. I work so much and really have about 4 jobs if you think about it. I have my day job, my part time job at the group home, my job as a mom, and Olivia. She is definitely a full time job. My ex is barely paying his child support (just a portion) and I am left here to make it work. Luckily, I have the most amazing and supportive family that we make it through things with love and determination. I also love my jobs and work with amazing people and kids. Enough about me, I will tell you about Olivia and the reason why I am here writing this.

Olivia was diagnosed with autism when she was only 16 months old. Her brother CJ, had developmental delays as well, but it was nothing like Olivia. From early on, I knew something was wrong with her. Why didn't she listen to me or even turn to me when I called her name? Why did I walk through my house constantly searching for toothbrushes only to find them lined up or in a cross design around the house? Why would my shoes disappear only to be found in the same design. One answer-Olivia. The biggest most heartbreaking experience that I continue to deal with is why is my daughter almost 7 years old and I am lucky if I get to be called mommy once a week? I didn't even hear her call me mommy until she was almost 5 years old. That is the one thing I treasure each and EVERY time I hear it. I would love to write more tonight. The kids have settled down and sleeping, but I do have to get up for work in a little over four hours. Life as a single parent calls. Olivia's teachers said she had a great day today at school. She even had a great night at home. Shes spent most of her night on the computer. She is a fanatic about Nick Jr. As I watch her sleeping even now, I think about what an angel she is. She's sleeping with her four sesame street friends lined up next to her! Each day is a blessing and a rewarding experience. Until tomorrow, good night.

The Real Hero of Autism is My Daughter Olivia

After lots of procrastination and being too busy, I have decided to finally write about my daughter 's story. Some people may be asking what is so special about my daughter and the answer to that is simple, she is the best person I know and has taught so many people so much about life at only 6 years old. You see, like millions of other kids, Olivia was born with autism. There are many many other factors to this story, but I have decided to chronical her life from now on and so people can see what day to day life is like for my family. You see, I also have a very special family. I am now the single mother of two children-CJ and Olivia. CJ is almost 8 and Olivia is almost 7. I had both of my children while serving in the Navy out in Virginia. That is where I met my husband as well. He was diagnosed with depression and dylexia, got out of the Navy, so I got out shortly after because I didn't trust to leave him with the kids when I was deployed. He got out of the Navy shortly after my son was born for severe depression. He had such trouble adjusting to military life and threatened to kill himself several times. Needless to say, you can see why I didn't want to leave the kids with him. Literally, shortly after Olivia was born, I got discharged from the Navy and I talked Cornelius (my ex husband) into moving back to Iowa with me so we could go to school. I wanted to come back to Iowa to finish my degree that I had started before going into the Navy and we would have help from my mother with the kids who was now retired. Looking back on it now, that would be on of the most pivotal decisions I would ever make. I don't believe that life is up to chance. I believe that every single choice you make sets your life on a path. This path for me has been filled with ups and downs, but each and every night before I lay my head down to sleep, I thank God for being so lucky. Although life is definitely not what I expected, it is filled with my family and love-those are the most important. At this point you may be asking, what does this have to do with Olivia's autism-well in many of the following days to come I will talk about how Olivia's autism has changed the lives of everyone she meets. You can't tell a story without knowing the background and tomorrow, that is a story I will begin to tell. Until tomorrow, goodnight.